Money is more than just a tool for transactions; it’s an emotional force intertwined with our identities, values, and sense of self-worth. Our money story is a tapestry of beliefs and experiences that shape our financial behaviours and attitudes.

By exploring different elements of our money story, we can better understand our emotional connection to finances and work towards a healthier relationship with money.

Financial Role Models: Our money story is greatly influenced by the role models we had growing up. This includes not just our parents, but also other relatives, friends, and influential figures in our lives. Did they demonstrate healthy money management habits or struggle with debt and overspending? Observing the financial behaviours of those around us often subconsciously informs our own financial choices.

Money and Self-Worth: Our self-worth can be closely tied to our financial situation. We may feel more valuable when we have a certain amount of money, achieve specific financial goals, or maintain a particular lifestyle. Examining how our self-esteem is connected to our finances can help us identify and challenge unhealthy beliefs that may be holding us back.

Financial Decision-Making: The way we make financial decisions is a critical component of our money story. Do we tend to be impulsive, conservative, or methodical when it comes to spending, saving, and investing? Identifying our decision-making patterns can help us better understand our emotions surrounding money and take steps to adopt healthier habits.

Cultural and Societal Influences: Our money story is also shaped by the cultural and societal context we grew up in. Different cultures and communities have unique values, beliefs, and attitudes about money, which can influence our financial behaviours. Reflecting on these cultural and societal factors can help us gain a deeper understanding of our money story and identify areas where we may want to make changes.

Financial Goals and Aspirations: Our aspirations and dreams play a significant role in our money story. What do we want to achieve financially, and why? Are these goals aligned with our values, or are they influenced by societal pressures and expectations? Assessing our financial goals and aspirations can help us create a more authentic and emotionally satisfying money story.

To retell and reshape your money story, exploring these different elements and spot the emotional undercurrents that drive your financial behaviours is essential. Begin by reflecting on your financial history, the messages you received about money, and the emotions that arise when you think about your finances. Journaling can be an effective way to document your thoughts and uncover hidden beliefs and patterns.

As you gain insight into your money story, you can start to rewrite it by challenging unhelpful beliefs, developing healthier financial habits, and aligning your financial goals with your values. This process of self-discovery and growth can lead to a more fulfilling and emotionally healthy relationship with money, ultimately contributing to your overall financial well-being.

Embarking on and sticking to your investment journey requires a solid understanding of financial principles and an appreciation for the emotional roller coaster that comes with it. Asset allocation, a crucial component of investing, is about striking the right balance between risk and reward to achieve your financial goals.

As you consider different allocations, it’s essential to recognise the emotional implications of your choices, allowing you to make informed decisions that align with your unique risk tolerance and personal well-being.

Financial planning has traditionally focussed on the numbers, often neglecting the emotional aspects of investing. This leaves many of us unprepared for the roller coaster ride that can come with aggressive allocations, such as the 70/30 (eg 70% stocks and 30% bonds) approach. Understanding the emotional side of asset allocation can help us make more informed decisions and avoid painful financial setbacks.

The 70/30 portfolio promises higher returns but also comes with the risk of significant losses. Investors who can accept the occasional tumble down an 18-step staircase (metaphorically speaking) may find this allocation suitable. On the other hand, those who prefer stability and insulation from worst-case scenarios might choose a more conservative 30/70 (eg 30% stocks and 70% bonds) allocation.

Regardless of strategy or numbers, we need to work together to comprehend the emotional impact of your chosen allocation before committing to it. Investors who cannot handle significant market swings may need to adjust their expectations and lifestyle accordingly. It’s essential to remember that there’s no guarantee that a 70/30 portfolio will outperform a 30/70 allocation – it all depends on timing and market conditions.

A critical issue in setting expectations is the misuse of the term “average.” When we’re told that the S&P 500 has averaged 11% for the past 20 years, we may assume this means we will see consistent returns close to that figure. In reality, actual returns deviate significantly from the average, leading to either excitement or panic and poor decision-making.

Emphasising the concept of standard deviation, or the market’s roller coaster-like fluctuations, can help us understand the inherent risks of investing.

When planning and working with our investments, we need to focus more on the emotional context of asset allocation. We can make better-informed, real-world choices by being emotionally forthcoming about the potential ups and downs of different asset allocations – enabling us to invest with heart and mind.

When framed in emotional terms rather than mathematical ones, people may choose more conservative allocations that better suit their risk tolerance and emotional well-being. After all, reaching financial goals is much more enjoyable when the journey isn’t filled with anxiety and stress!

Discussing finances can be a daunting task, especially when emotions run high. It’s important to remember that there’s a human element behind every financial decision – our dreams, fears, and values.

Nancy Kline is an American-born author, business consultant, and personal development coach. She is best known for her Time to Think methodology, which emphasises the importance of creating a thinking environment that promotes independent thinking, deep reflection, and transformative change.

By incorporating Nancy Kline’s Time to Think methodology, we can bring empathy and understanding into our money conversations, ultimately leading to healthier financial relationships and better decisions.

A crucial aspect of Kline’s methodology fosters open communication and respect. By nurturing this environment in our financial discussions, we’re able to improve the conversation and acknowledging the human side of money.

Here are some fundamental elements of a thinking environment and how they can improve financial discussions:

1 – Attention: Give the person speaking your full, undivided attention. This means listening without interrupting, judging, or trying to problem-solve immediately. By doing so, you’re allowing the speaker to express their thoughts and feelings openly, which can lead to greater understanding and better decision-making.

2 – Equality: Treat everyone in the conversation equally, regardless of their financial knowledge or experience. This fosters an environment of mutual respect and reduces the risk of misunderstanding or miscommunication.

3 – Encouragement: Encourage each person to express their thoughts and ideas without fear of judgment. This can lead to more innovative and creative solutions for financial challenges.

4 – Information: Gather accurate and complete information before making any financial decisions. This ensures that everyone is working with the same facts and can make well-informed choices.

By giving full, undivided attention to the person speaking, we can better comprehend their financial concerns, goals, and aspirations. This deep understanding allows us to co-create financial plans and strategies more effectively to meet everyone’s specific needs and objectives. This is exceptionally powerful from family financial planning through to creating budgets for volunteer organisations, businesses and corporates.

Active listening fosters trust in financial relationships, whether with a partner, family member, or colleagues, which is crucial for open communication and collaboration. When people feel heard and valued, they are more likely to participate actively in financial planning discussions, generating diverse ideas and perspectives.

Attentive listening can also minimise the risk of misunderstandings or miscommunications in financial conversations, ensuring everyone is on the same page and helping to prevent costly errors. Allowing everyone to express their thoughts and feelings openly leads to more effective problem-solving. When people feel safe and supported, they are more likely to be honest about their challenges and work together to find creative solutions.

By creating a healthy time to think, we can create an environment that acknowledges and validates the emotions involved, alleviating stress and making the planning process more enjoyable and fulfilling.

In lifestyle financial planning, striking the right balance between empathy and codependency is essential to building healthy relationships while maintaining personal well-being. A recent tweet by Dr Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) highlighted the differences between empathy and codependency.

Empathy means understanding a person’s feelings and being able to put ourselves in their shoes. In the context of financial planning, empathy allows us to be aware of and attuned to the emotions and perspectives of others. By actively listening and offering support from a place of compassion or curiosity, we can create authentic, safe relationships where we can all feel seen, heard, and understood. This emotional connection is invaluable in helping us make important financial decisions that align with our values and life goals.

On the other hand, codependency involves chronic neglect of ourselves and the tendency to go into “rescuer” or “fixer” mode when someone shares their emotions. In financial planning, codependency can manifest as giving unsolicited advice, agreeing to help friends and family at the cost of our own emotional well-being, or trying to rescue them from their own actions. It’s crucial to remember that our role is not to fix others’ issues, but to love, support and empower them to make informed decisions.

When we’re in fixer mode, we may feel uncomfortable or anxious with our own emotions and try to change someone else’s situation instead of understanding their feelings. This lack of boundaries can lead to feelings of burnout, resentment, or being taken for granted.

To avoid codependency in lifestyle financial planning, we must practice “holding space” for others without interjecting our own feelings. If we notice the impulse to give advice or “fix” the situation, we should remind ourselves that we are only responsible for our own decisions, not everyone else’s.

To strike the right balance between empathy and codependency, it’s crucial to maintain clear boundaries and an awareness of our roles in the lives of others. If we are asked for help or support and are in a space to provide that assistance, we can offer our expertise and resources. However, if we aren’t asked for help, we must release our role of trying to rescue others and focus on empowering them to make their own decisions.

By cultivating empathy, we can create safe and authentic relationships with others while maintaining clear boundaries and avoiding the pitfalls of codependency. This approach allows us to guide ourselves and others towards financial decisions that align with values and goals, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life for all of us.

Our mindset is crucial to our financial success. Dealing with our money can quickly become an obsessive task; either focusing solely on the amount we’re lacking or missing, or becoming obsessed with saving and storing up, we can sometimes do more harm than good. This is why mindset plays a significant role in how we approach financial planning.

Whilst a miss is as good as a mile, at the same time, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.

To achieve balance in our financial lives, adopting a mindset that “just enough” is actually a very healthy space in which to be, can be helpful. This means recognising that while saving and investing for the future is essential, enjoying life in the present is also crucial. With this mindset, we can create a financial plan that prioritises our long-term goals while still allowing us to live comfortably in the present.

“Just enough”, however, is not a number; it’s actually a lifestyle choice. Yes, it’s sometimes represented by a number, but it will constantly change with our lives and situations. And, it is explored through a process of working with some of the following ideas:

• Identify your long-term financial goals: Determine what you want to achieve in the future, such as buying a home, starting a family, or retiring comfortably. This will help you understand how much you need to save and invest to reach these goals.
• Assess your current financial situation: Take stock of your income, expenses, debts, and assets to understand where you stand. This will give you an idea of how much you need to save, invest or spend to maintain a comfortable lifestyle.
• Prioritise your values and interests: Consider what aspects of your life are most important and what brings you the most joy. Allocating your resources towards these areas will contribute to your happiness and satisfaction.

Once you have defined your “just enough,” it’s time to implement this mindset into your financial plan. This involves balancing saving, investing, and spending that aligns with your long-term goals and values.

• Saving: While having an emergency fund and saving for specific goals is essential, remember that it’s also important to enjoy life now. Instead of obsessing over every penny saved, focus on building healthy savings habits and balancing saving and spending.
• Investing: As you work towards your long-term financial goals, don’t hesitate to take calculated risks with your investments. A well-diversified portfolio can help you reach your objectives without putting all of your eggs in one basket.
• Spending: Adopting a “just enough” mindset doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life now. Allocate a portion of your budget to discretionary spending, allowing you to engage in activities and experiences that bring you joy.

Achieving balance in financial planning means understanding that having “just enough” can be as good as having plenty saved up. By adopting a mindset of “just enough” and focusing on the areas of our lives that truly matter, we can create a financial plan to live a fulfilling and enjoyable life while still working towards our long-term goals.

Personal financial planning has become critical in shaping our lives and determining our future. However, many of us need help to make the right decisions and achieve our financial goals. The key to overcoming these challenges lies in harnessing and leveraging our strengths to create a life of our own design.

By understanding and embracing our strengths, we can replace apathy with passion and ambivalence with engagement, ultimately shaping a more authentic and fulfilling financial future.

The journey to financial wellness begins with recognising that we all possess unique strengths that can help us navigate the complex world of personal finance. Our strengths can be anything from our ability to save diligently to our aptitude for understanding investment strategies. However, knowing our strengths is only half the battle. The real magic happens when we make a conscious decision to utilise these strengths in our financial planning endeavours.

As F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, “It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.” This sentiment holds true for our financial lives as well. No matter where you are on your financial journey, there’s always room for growth and improvement. By engaging our strengths, we can create a life that aligns with our values, energises our behaviour, and moves us closer to our financial goals.

What is holding you back from maximising your strengths in your financial planning? Many of us avoid using our strengths because we fear fully committing and failing. However, it is essential to understand that failure is a natural learning process. Instead of fearing failure, we should view it as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement.

By using our strengths in our financial planning, we create a more authentic and empowered relationship with our money. Even if we don’t achieve our desired outcome, engaging our strengths can lead to personal growth and greater fulfilment. As a result, it’s crucial to shift our mindset and focus on the potential benefits of embracing our strengths, rather than the fear of failure.

The road to financial success is paved with all of our choices. By acknowledging the existence of these moments of choice and being prepared to step forward and embrace our strengths, we can create a more authentic and fulfilling financial future.

Let’s chat if you need help engaging your strengths in your financial planning. By asking the right questions, we can navigate a helpful journey of reflection and self-discovery, enabling you to make more informed and authentic financial decisions.

One of the reasons why so many people chase riches, relationships and reputation to define their value is that they haven’t been coached to understand that they can build a life of worth, value and meaning without relying on other people, positions or possessions to define them.

If we want to know how we add value to the world, we need to know what our values are. Discovering our character strengths is a building block of this journey; they make us who we are and give us a sense of purpose and meaning.

These strengths are positive aspects of our personality that others like, respect, and cherish. They are the qualities that make us unique and valuable and are essential to our well-being and happiness.

Ryan Niemiec and Robert McGrath, researchers in the field of character strengths, emphasise that when we express ourselves using these strengths in our thoughts and actions, we feel happier and more grounded. This is because character strengths help us engage fully in the present moment, connect with others, and find meaning in our lives.

Character strengths are different from our interests, passions, and skills. While these are important aspects of our lives, they are not the same as character strengths. Interests, passions, and skills may change, but character strengths persist across time and cultures. They are central to who we are and how we think of ourselves.

The Values in Action Inventory (VIA) is a popular tool for identifying and measuring character strengths. VIA identifies 24 character strengths that fall under six broad categories of virtues: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence. These virtues are not unique to any one culture or religion but are universal to human beings.

Wisdom consists of strengths that help us acquire and use knowledge, such as creativity, curiosity, and love of learning. Courage includes strengths that enable us to face challenges and adversity with resilience and determination, such as bravery, perseverance, and honesty. Humanity encompasses strengths that promote social intelligence and connection, such as kindness, empathy, and compassion.

Justice consists of strengths that promote fairness and equity, such as leadership, teamwork, and social responsibility. Temperance includes strengths that help us regulate our impulses and desires, such as self-control, humility, and forgiveness. Finally, Transcendence consists of strengths that help us connect with something larger than ourselves, such as gratitude, spirituality, and appreciation of beauty.

By identifying and cultivating our character strengths, we can enhance and protect our well-being to lead more fulfilling lives. When we use our strengths, we experience a sense of flow and engagement, leading to increased happiness, productivity, and creativity!

When it comes to financial planning, many believe that the ultimate goal is accumulating as much money as possible. However, this approach may only sometimes lead to a fulfilling lifestyle. Instead, it’s important to consider what kind of life you want and then create a financial plan that allows you to achieve that lifestyle.

As Chris Brogan said, “The goal isn’t more money. The goal is living life on your terms.” This means that financial planning should be about creating a life that makes you happy and fulfilled, rather than just accumulating wealth for its own sake. Together, there are a few key steps we can take to help you achieve this goal.

First, take the time to define what “living life on your terms” means to you. This could involve creating a vision board, writing out a list of goals, or simply spending some time reflecting on what brings you joy and fulfilment. In our meetings, we like to work through open-ended questions that help you recognise blind spots and remind you of goals you may have had earlier in life but have long since left behind. Once you have a clear idea of what you want your life to look like, you can create a financial plan supporting those goals.

One important aspect of financial planning is budgeting. It’s helpful to understand your income and expenses to create a budget that aligns with your goals. A budget, or spending plan, allows us to uncover opportunities to increase your income and enhance how you use it. The goal is to create a budget that will enable you to live the life you want without constantly worrying about money.

Another important area of focus for us is investing. Investing can help you grow your wealth over time, giving you increased freedom in the long run. However, investing wisely and choosing investments that align with your values and goals is crucial. This might even incorporate investing in companies that are socially responsible or that align with your personal values.

For all of us, it’s beneficial to be mindful of our spending habits. We can so easily fall into the trap of “keeping up with the Joneses” and spending money on things that don’t actually bring us happiness or fulfillment. By being mindful of spending and focusing on the things that truly matter, we can create a lifestyle financial plan that aligns with our values and allows us to live life on our terms.

For years there have been copious books, blogs and articles written on healthy time and energy management, and in today’s digital environment, it’s even more essential for success. Experts suggest a shift in how we approach our daily routines, starting with our emails and social media notifications. While our email inbox or WhatsApp notifications may seem like the most urgent priority, it can often lead to “energy zero” if we are not careful.

After running a quick Google search, some of the following stats became clear:

• On average, 28% of work time is spent on email
• We check email on average 11 times per hour
• 84% keep email open in the background while working

Email Apnea, a phrase coined by Linda Stone around 2014, is the temporary cessation of breath when we’re in front of a screen, especially when texting or doing email. This chronic breath-holding puts us in a state of fight or flight, affecting emotions, physiology and attention.

In the book, Manage Your Day-to-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus & Sharpen Your Creative Mind, the recurring advice across many of the 20 experts who contributed essays to the book was simple: don’t start the day by dealing with your email.

Instead, start the day by tackling the most challenging task first. This may seem impractical for some work environments, but we can apply it to any situation. For some, arriving at work early to carve out creative time could be beneficial. For others, it may require retraining themselves not to assume that the priorities of their inbox match their own goals and responsibilities.

Best-selling author and founder of The Energy Project, Tony Schwartz, suggests building energy renewal into our workday. Scott Belsky, co-founder of Behance, recommends allowing unstructured time between meetings to recharge and absorb what just happened.

By taking responsibility for our own time and energy, we can avoid letting email, social media or other reactive tasks blunt our focus. James Victore (yourworkisagift.com) writes, “We are losing the distinction between urgent and important—now everything gets heaped in the urgent pile.”

Taking charge of our priorities helps us filter distractions and plan focused time to use our energy and creativity wisely, and it can also make it easier for our family and colleagues to do the same. Before you begin your day with a race to reach inbox zero, take a breath and consider what’s most important for your day.

Staying motivated to change can be a challenge! It’s too easy to fall into old patterns and habits. 

It can be difficult to remain committed to change because change can be a complex process that requires effort, discipline, and perseverance. Sometimes, people need more motivation to change, and with a clear and compelling reason, it can be easier to stay committed. Negative self-talk, such as negative thoughts and self-doubt, can erode commitment and motivation.

Some of us fear failure, whilst others may simply resist change, as it requires breaking old habits and routines, which can be uncomfortable. Sticking to the plan isn’t easy, especially when faced with distractions, temptations, or other life challenges. Without support from friends, family, a coach or a support group, it can be challenging to remain committed to change.

It’s helpful to have a positive attitude if we want to persevere through these challenges. Articulating and tracking our goals is also a practical way to measure our success, continuously improve and stay motivated and committed to change.

By regularly monitoring our progress, we can identify areas where we need to make adjustments and course-correct if necessary. This helps increase the chances of achieving the goals and ensures that our efforts are always directed towards the most important tasks.

Tracking goals also provides a sense of accountability, as we are held responsible for our progress towards our goals. It encourages us to take the necessary steps to move forward and maintain momentum.

Moreover, tracking goals gives us the opportunity to celebrate achievements and recognise the progress we have made. Celebrating small milestones boosts motivation and helps keep us on track towards our larger goals. Many coaches believe tracking our goals is essential to ensure progress and staying motivated to change our lives, and make informed decisions.

When you feel the lethargy kick in, and you’re tempted to revert to unhealthy behaviours just remember that staying motivated to change requires effort and perseverance, but by focusing on progress, setting realistic goals, and creating a supportive environment, you can stay committed to the change you want to see in your life!